THe Clan Of Idiots
by Ibble Ibble
Summary: 1 mental veira plus 2 constantly arguing humans plus 1 hyper moogle plus 1 bored with her team nu mou equals 5 people from Clan of Idiots.
1. Intro

Ibble Ibble: I own only a box

: blah :is thoughts

**blah -**is place

Clan Idiots

In Ivalice, there was a clan, not just any clan, it was composed of 2 bickering humans, 1 stupid viera, 1 bored with life nu mou, and 1 peppy hyperactive happy moogle. They all lived in a house, the humans' jobs were hunter and thief, the nu mou was a sage, the viera an assassin, and the moogle was a thief. They all steal, destroy, and create havoc on regular people. Lets take a closer look at their lives…

"It's your fault she broke the bed." Mulat the hunter said.

"It's yours, because you were supposed to watch her." Marche thehuman thief said.

"You left me in there alone." Mulat said.

**Flashback-**

"Just go to sleep Vivian." Mulat said.

"It's still day light!" Vivian theassassin says.

"No, it's pitch black outside because it's 1 o'clock in the morning! Just go to sleep." Mulat said.

"I am gonna jump on the bed!" Vivian said.

"No your heels, they'll-!" Mulat said.

Bed snaps andcompletely falls apart.

"Help me! My foot's gotten stuck!" Vivian said.

**End of flashback-**

"Stop bickering you two or I'll make it both your faults!" Guin the sagesaid.

"Okay." Mulat and Marche said in unison.

"Let's go to the park." Seneka themoogle thief said.

Vivian walks down stairs.

"I think this piece of wood likes me. Aren't I special?" Vivian asked stupidly.

"That's what we call it, 'special.'" Guin said.

"Shouldn't- shouldn't- shouldn't-"Seneka said.

"Out with it, man!" Mulat said.

"Shouldn't we get our coffee now?" Seneka asked.

"I'll make it." Guin said.

"No sugar in his." Mulat whispered to Guin.

"Right." Guin said.

"What should we do after the coffee?" Marche asked.

"Go pick a fight, or go to the Prancing Chocobo, or go get a beer, or go and complain to the palace, or-" Mulat began.

"Stop, or I'll make you stop!" Marche said.

"Now, now don't get into a fight-" Guin said.

A dust cloud with arms and legs sticking out of the cloud formed.

"-In the house, so go engage outside." Guin said.

"I'll- I'll- I'll- I'll-" Seneka said.

"Out with it!"

"I'll get the door!"

He walks to the door, and the dust cloud follows he opens the door and the dust cloud makes it way outside. They watch the battle through the window.

"Where's the judge?" Vivian asked.

"They didn't start yet." Guin said.

"Can I be- be- be- be- a judge when I grow- grow-up?" Seneka asked.

"You already grew up, and the coffee's in the kitchen." Guin said.

"I wanna (slurp) jump on the trampoline." Vivian said.

"I wanted sugar in mine!" Seneka said.

"Your hyper (sip) enough as it is, and the trampoline is off limits until an hour after morning coffee." Guin said.

"Can I go outside and join Mulat?" Vivian asked.

"Then I'll join Marche." Seneka said.

"I'll be judge." Guin said.

**Outside-**

"Get ready," Guin said.

"Ready!" Everyone else said in unison

"Vivian goes first, then Seneka, then Mulat, last Marche." Guin said.

"I'll move behind Marche, and do shadow bind to him." Vivian said.

"Okay." Guin said.

"AAH!" Marche screamed.

"Hehehe." Vivian said.

"Can't move…" Marche said.

"Seneka, your turn" Guin said.

"Move on the right of Mulat and attack him." Seneka said.

"The law says no fighting! Yellow Seneka!" Guin said.

"You know… those things hurt!" Seneka said.

"HN." Guin said.

"Umm… I'm hungry." Mulat said.

"Okay we'll stop." Guin said.

"Unstop me… please…" Marche said.

"Okay." Guin said.

"What… are… you doing… with that…?" Marche asked nervously.

"Everyone knows that pincers that pinch butts will unstop someone."

"I… don't… wanna… OW!"

"That'll do.

"OW! OW¡OY! What do you think you're doing walkin' around with that?"

"Hey it works."

"Hey! Let's go rob something!" Vivian said.

"You know, she actually might have thought up something good." Mulat said

"I resent that!"

"You probably don't even know what resent means." Seneka said.

"I resent that too!"

"She has a fairly good knack for putting things in the right place." Guin said.

"When have my ideas not been good?"

**Flashback-**

"Let's go blow up something!" Vivian said.

"NO!" Everyone, except Vivian, said in unison.

"Why?" Vivian said.

"Hmm…" Seneka said.

"Fine." Guin said.

"I'll bring a first aid kit." Mulat said.

"What are we gonna blow up?" Marche asked.

" Bervenia Palace!" Vivian said.

"Uh…: she _is_ insane:" Guin said.

"Uh…: the palace did have a bounty on our heads…:" Mulat said.

"Are you nuts!" Seneka exclaimed.

"Let's go!" Marche said.

After hours of walking, they get to the palace and blow it up, but come out barely alive.

"Ow…" Marche said.

"That was invigorating." Vivian said.

People are dead on the floor; some are limping out of the rubble.

**End of flashback-**

"When you blew up the palace!" Mulat said.

"Can we watch the flashback again?" Vivian said.

"No." Guin said.

"Please?" Vivian said.

"Lets go steal from no no no NO!" Seneka said.

"What?" Guin said.

" Montblanc's brother Nono? " Marche said.

"Yeah!" Seneka said.

"His name is no-no." Mulat said.

"I thought it was yes-yes." Vivian says.

"No-no!"

"Yes-yes!"

"You no my rule about bickering… and you just broke it!" Guin said.

* * *

Ibble Ibble- what will happen to our trouble some clan? Tune in next time! 


	2. Guin's Temper

Ibble Ibble: Don't sue me! Please! I don't own anything! I would like to say…

Mulat: Don't you dare say anything!

**Guin's temper**

"Now you will pay!" Guin yelled.

"Uh-oh…." Vivian and Mulat said in unison.

"I will call," Guin lifted her staff up. " METEOR!"

"They- they- they- they-" Seneka repeats.

"They?" Marche said while smacking Seneka on the back.

"OW! They knew about her tem- tem- tem-"

"Your like a broken record."

"Vivian, the meteors! Can't you do anything!" Mulat exclaimed.

" Maybe…"

" Then do it!"

" I don't wanna!

" Yes you do."

" No."

" No."

" Yes."

" THEN DO IT!"

Vivian had now grabbed a bow, and shot one at each meteor, but the result made more tiny meteors.

" You idiot!"

" Aw snap…"

" My turn."

Mulat shot an arrow at each meteor, until it all disappeared. Then he put a net over Guin. Then they decided who had to carry it.

" I- I- I-" Seneka repeated.

" He'll do it." Mulat said.

" Oh… (censored)." Seneka blurts.

" Seneka! This was supposed to be PG fic! How dare you use that language! I am appalled!" Guin yells.

" Shut up, Guin. You are so annoy-ING!" Mulat stopped in his tracks.

" What are you doing, Mulat? Can't you see that I am late?" Vivian exclaimed.

" Vivian!" Marche mutters.

" Yes?"

" We're in front of Nono's shop."

They walked in and look around, but Nono wasn't there. Vivian started grabbing every sparkly object. Guin tried to look outside, but to no avail. Seneka just kept on running into walls, missing the doors. Then they heard a sound outside, like engines.

" The aliens are landing! AAH!" Vivian screamed.

" Put the shiny down, NOW!" Mulat muttered.

" Run to the closet!" Marche yelled.

They all ran into the one tiny closet there. Everyone was cramped as they waitedfor the right time to ambush him. Nono was walking in right then, but our 'oh so' clever Vivian started screaming.

" The aliens have come to suck out our BRAINS! AAH!" She said.

" Vivian…" Guin said since she was now out of the net.

" Yeah?"

" You just blew our cover. Why do you still have that piece of wood attached to your foot?"

" He's my special, remember?"

" Who's there?" Nono called out.

" No one." Vivian said.

" Okay." Nono replied stupidly.

" Wow, he- he- is stu- stu- stu- " Seneka repeated.

" Shh! Seneka, don't blow our cover!" Guin muttered.

Marche grabbed a bomb and ran out the door, past Nono. He put it inside his ship, and then he ran behind a barrel. There was no explosion though, so he ran back in and set it off. As soon as the bomb was on its last tick, everyone, with the exception of Nono, ran out. The explosion caused everyone, except Marche, to fly back. Marche grabbed his duffel bag and stuffed everything in it. He grabbed everyone else's and did the same. Although, Nono didn't stand still either…

" Marche!"

" Yeah?"

" Why are you?" Nono demanded.

" Why am I what?"

" How could you resort at life of? I thought you were my, kupo."

" What are you talking about!"

" You know perfectly well what I am about!"

" You're just like Seneka, 'cept you don't repeat yourself."

" Marche, you can take the! I don't care what you do to! Just go and never show you're here again!"

" Correction, you are _worse _then Seneka."

Marche left, but 'forgot' about Nono's wishes. He got back to the house, and saw a bangaa waiting at the door. The bangaa was in a monk habit, and apparently only sported iron objects. Marche went inside dragging everyone else and the loot. They sat down for coffee at the table. After half an hour of sitting there, everyone else woke up. Guin tried to go to the kitchen, but her hands were suffering 2nd degree burns at that time. Vivian went in as a replacement. Mulat tried to stop her, but at the moment was disabled by his broken leg. The bangaa's name was Wells. Wells worked as a religious fighter, but he currently wanted to join the team.

" NO!" Marche yelled.

" I know the next thing you'll s-say. I can't join the team because-se it's-s a bad team…"

" No we aren't."

" … And that you have s-stupid teammates-s-s…"

" Of course we don't!"

"… The next thing you'll say is-"

" I'll prove to you we are a good team!"

" Sure…" Guin muttered.

" But we-" Mulat began.

" -Are letting you join the team!" Marche finished.

" Why, that was-s totally unexpected." Wells said with a smirk.

" What do you guys want?" Vivian yelled from the kitchen.

" Some burgers please."

" Okay!"

" Sometimes, I just don't trust our friend Vivian." Mulat said.

A booming sound was heard from the kitchen. Smoke started clouding the ceiling.

" What was that?" Guin asked.

" No idea." Seneka answered.

An explosion came from the kithchen this time, and fire was heard crackling.

" What are you doing in there, Vivian?" Marche demanded.

" I'm okay!"

" I'm coming in!" Mulat yelled.

He ran in to the smoky inferno that was once a kitchen. After a minute, he ran back out carrying Vivian, who was holding a smoky pot. After the pot cooled down, Mulat strapped her to her seat. Guin grabbed some plates, and ran to the 'kitchen' and got some leftover salad. She spread it on the plates along with the burnt burgers, and then she made everyone sit down.

" Let's eat."

" I need a knife." Vivian said.

" Okay I'll-" Wells began.

" I found one, never mind."

" 'Found one?'" Wells asked.

" Yeah! It's been in my pocket."

" Vivian, that's a-"

" Let her be." Marche said.

Vivian used her katana (which she thoughtas a knife) to cut her olive. As soon as she finished, the table fell down. There seemed to be a large cut in the table…

" Is Vivian always like this?" Wells asks.

" Yup." Seneka answers.

" Ahem, Vivian?" Guin asked.

" Yes?" Vivian responds.

" Why did you cut the table?"

" I did?" Vivian said puzzled.

" Yes'm. Why did you do it?"

" I was trying to cut my olive, when…"

" When?"

" I pushed to hard. I just remembered something, my cousin, named Eldena, is coming tomorrow."

" WHAT!"

" I said,-"

" Why," Mulat demanded, " Why now? We have a guest!"

" I thought you wouldn't notice…"

" Of course we- we- we- we-"

" He means, of course we would notice! Don't you think it's hard enough already!" Marche shouted.

" No."

" Let's all just get some rest." Guin said.

" Who's going to watch Vivian?" Mulat asked, " I already did."

" Seneka and Marche." Wells said.

" Okay!"

They went upstairs and changed for bed. After, Vivian went in with the two boys, both of which looked like they were just about to scream. Fortunately, the night was uneventful, and they went down stairs for breakfast. Then, _it_ happened. The doorbell rang, and one bunny ear was spotted. Eldena was here.

" Oh my gosh! She's here!"

" Hiya, Vivi!"

" NOOOO!" Everyone screamed.

* * *

Ibble Ibble: What _kind _of lunatic is Eldena? What will ensue? Review, and you'll find out! 


	3. Eldena the Crazy

Ibble Ibble: I thought you heard me the first time!

Guin: It makes me wonder who the _real_ idiot is…

Ibble Ibble: What are you talking about!

**Eldena the Crazy and Wells the Angry**

The weirdly dressed rabbit, Eldena, obviously was crazy. Her pants hung limply from one of her rabbit ears and her shirt was on backwards. She dropped the grocery bag that was in her hands on the counter, pulled the contents of the bag out, a towel, a rapier, and a button, and just stared at them. The towel had a specific spot for where the button should go after all there was a bright red arrow pointing to the spot saying **'Place button here'** in bold letters. Eldena smiled and turned to go find her old neighbor, Marche.

"I thought I got rid of her when I moved away." Marche muttered as Eldena walked in.

"Guess you didn't." Guin replied.

"Let's play engagement: Piñata!" Eldena exclaimed.

"Let's play what?" Mulat asked looking up from his book.

"You tie someone up and then try to hurt them as much as you can while abiding by the laws"

"We-we-we-we-should tie up Wells-Wells-Wells-Wells-" Seneka repeated.

"'W' again?" Marche whined placing his head in his hands.

"Guess so." Guin retorted watching Marche.

"Ready set…!" Eldena began raising her arms.

Outside

"S-S-STOP!" Wells screamed, completely terrified.

Wells swung from the tree limb on a rope, looking down at the others.

"Madeen!" Vivian yelled.

"Meteor!" Guin shouted.

"Sidewinder!" Mulat exclaimed.

"Fight!" Marche and Seneka declared.

"OW!" Wells yelped trying to evade the attacks but to no avail.

"It's time for lunch" Guin stated as he turned to leave.

"YOU HAVE TO GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!" Wells screamed angrily.

"Hold you're…" Mulat began but was cut off by Wells yelling.

"RAHH!"

Wells ran at Mulat with his fists out stretched. Then he attacked Seneka. Eldena started laughing and ran to her left. Everyone just stood there dumbfounded.

"I think Eldena has officially gone crazy." Guin uttered.

"Yup." Seneka replied nodding numbly.

"Watch out! Wells is it!" She cried happily.

Everyone did a face falter.

"She thinks were playing…TAG?" Guin inquired.

Everyone just nodded well…except Wells.

"COME BACK HERE!" Wells yelled.

"Well apparently, Wells reaction is…" Guin began.

"He's gone BERSERK!" Vivian interrupted.

"…last berserk" Guin finished.

"SAVE…ME…PLEASE!" Mulat choked out.

"Oh, my…" Marche said watching Mulat struggle.

"BEHIND YOU!" Eldena shouted to Guin.

"Huh what are you…AAH!"

Wells had attacked Guin and was now standing on her back.

"Guin is it!" Eldena exclaimed.

"I finally calmed down now…can we pleas-s-se oh pretty pleas-s-se can we have lunch now?"

"Gosh you're soooooooooooo…."

"I think he's stuck on 'O'" Marche retorted.

"…ooooooooooo polite after being a total nutcase." Seneka finished with a smile.

They walked inside for lunch, but since the kitchen blew up, they had to eat some monsters they had killed on their way to Nono's. Guin served them again, making sure to take away Eldena's rapier and Vivian's katana. They had sat down, when the table leaped up on Mulat, Marche and Guin's end. Vivian was using Seneka's dagger for cutting her lamia…

" Take this! And that!"

" Does she know that the lamia is already dead?" Guin asked.

" Leave her be…" Mulat said.

" NOO! SHE MUST LEARN!" Marche yelled, standing up.

" Marche…"

" I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS ANYMORE!"

" Marche…"

" I AM OFFICIALLY GROUNDING THE BOTH OF THEM!"

" MARCHE!" Mulat half-muttered, half-yelled.

" Yes?" Marche replied sitting down again.

" You do remember that grounding Vivian means…"

" Oh-no…"

"…that we have to stay with them every living second of that time? And you do remember that Vivian's room is having a problem, right? We'll have to camp out in _her _room."

" Mulat, Marche, the table!" Guin yelled.

The table crashed down with a plunk as Eldena struck one of the legs with another rapier she had. Wells was using his fork to pick up some flan, so his fork had the flan hanging limply down from it. The table just so happened to crash on his foot, which drove him nuts again. After that mess, they all ran upstairs with their 'Clan Idiot' marked tents. Vivian and Eldena started trying to roast marshmallows, but the ground was fireproof, courtesy of Seneka. Vivian went to sleep first, then Mulat, then Guin, followed by Marche, Wells, and Seneka. Eldena got angry and she grabbed a marker. She went throught each tent and-

* * *

Ibble Ibble: Time to wrap this up!

Marche: (cough) Crazy! (cough)

Ibble Ibble: What did you say! Review at least once per chapter… :


	4. The Marker

Ibble Ibble: That's definitely my name next to the story title, so I have to do the disclaimer. WHO IN THE RIGHT STATE OF MIND THINKS THAT I OWN FFTA?

Seneka: Yeah- Yeah- Yeah- right.

**The Marker**

Eldena went through each tent and put something on their face. She put a note on everyone too, and she went to the mirror and put something on her own eyelids. The next morning, Wells woke up first and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He first read the note that was glue to his hair. It read:

_raeD Wells,_

_You are always so angry._

" Okaay… That's weird"

Wells looked in the mirror to see that there were drawings of furrowed eyebrows, an open angry mouth, and wrinkles. They were quite kindergarden-like…

" AAH! What is-s-s this-s-s!"

He ran down stairs in frustration. Vivian woke up at this (due to the fact that she has gigantic ears!) She peeled the note off her forehead, and read it aloud.

" 'Hey Vivi, You are so unfeminine.' Wonder what that means…"

She walked downstairs for coffee. Guin woke up and went to her private closet with a mirror to get dressed. She wasn't facing the mirror yet, so she ripped the note off her lower lip. It said:

_raeD Guin,_

_You remind me of a dinosaur._

" Interesting…" She said with her eyebrow arched in a questioning look.

She looked at the mirror to see that she had scribbled on large teeth outside of her actual mouth. There was red marker too, indicating blood.

" Ha, ha, very funny." she said sarcastically.

She got dreesed and went to the kitchen remnants to find coffee. Mulat woke up and went to the bathroom. As he washed his hands, a note fell out of his sleeve that read:

_raeD Mulat,_

_You scare me with your calm expressions. Smile!_

" Huh?"

He saw a giant smile drawn over his regular mouth, which made him look like he was always smiling and like he was wearing lipstick. He washed vigorously at the smile, but he couldn't get it off. He ran into Marche's tent and woke him up. Mulat first read his note out loud, and then showed him what happened. The note blocked his view of Marche, so when he put it down he had jumped backwards and yelped.

" What?" Marche asked.

" R-read your n-note…" Mulat trembled out.

" It says, ' raeD Marche, Your hair reminds me of a girl's hair.' What did the person do?"

" Your- your- face, mirror!"

Marche went over to the bathroom, and saw that his face had red marker scribbled near his lips, meaning to be lipstick, black marker for big eyelashes, and blue marker for eye shadow. He screamed and did the same as Mulat, but with as much success as him. He got his old green beret, and wrapped it around his face in such a way that would make his eyes the only thing visible.

" I thought I was sad, but your face is pretty funny." Mulat giggled.

" You did not just say that."

" I did."

" Then die!"

" After you!"

They got into a fight mid-way down the stairs, which caused the staircase to collapse.

- In the kitchen remains-

Guin was making coffee, and she heard the crash.

" I have to get insurance for this house…"

- In the dining room-

Wells has been staring oddly at Vivian's forehead since she came down, and was still going. Vivian ran to the stairs to go and get her ribbon. Mulat and Marche stopped fighting when they saw what was on Vivian's face. She climbed up the railing, and walked into her room. She went to the bathroom, and saw what had happened during the night: someone had written MAN on her forehead and gave her a mustache.

" I'm not a girl anymore!" Vivian yelled.

" What's going on, Vivi?" Eldena asked.

" What- what- what- what- what- happened?" Seneka asked.

" Vivian! You're a boy!" Eldena yelled.

" AAH! I'm a boy!"

Guin walked upstairs.

" You aren't a boy, just cover-"

" GUIN! YOU'RE A DINOSAUR!" Vivian yelled before she could finish.

" I really need a therapist." Guin muttered.

Mulat climbed up the stair railing part way.

" Guin, give me the Germinas, NOW! Oh, and Clan Ritz is here for the daycare, and Clan Borzoi is here for the insurance." Mulat blurted out.

" Umm… Seneka, get your Acacia hat because you'll need it with the other mouths drawn there. Vivian, you should go grab a headband for the man part, and Eldena, try not to blink too rapidly. You have an eye on both your eyelids, evidently from a marker."

" Let's- let's- let's- let's-"

" Assuming that you mean 'Let's eat!' OKAY!" Mulat yelled, still clinging to the railing.

They all ran downstairs to eat. The table was very full and talkative, despite the fact that the hosts had things on their face. Seneka found his note, and read it aloud.

" 'raeD Seneka, you can't just say things once, can you?'" Seneka read.

" The work will begin soon, let's eat." A Borzoi capo said.

" We have corn, bread, lamia, and cornbread. For juice all we have is beer." Guin said.

" What about water?" Shara asked.

" The well blew up along with the kitchen, so you would have to go to Ulei River." Vivian said while smiling.

Guin got up to get the food, forgetting one thing: no weapons at the table. She returned with the lamia and beer, and put a plate in front of everyone. Vivian and Eldena took up their weapons and smashed the table again. This time everyone's foot was hurt, so they ran outside to start: THE ENGAGEMENT!

* * *

Ibble Ibble: Thank you reviewers thus far! 

Mulat: Do your best to ignore the weird things she says or does.


	5. The Festival: A Bad Day for Mulat

Ibble Ibble: Duh…

Marche: She wants to say, 'I own a cardboard box.'

Ibble Ibble: What he said! Oh yes, and credit to Sam-mag for letting me use his characters.

**The Festival (or Happy Squish Mulat Day)**

Everyone was ready to fight, but in the distance they saw the strangest things: a giant fire right next to a thunderstorm and a blizzard. Two chocobos ran over with a nu mou on each of their backs. Guin slowly recognized them, and she backed away slowly. They were Augusto and Diesel, her twin brothers. Diesel jumped down and gave her a scroll. She read it slowly.

" No thanks." Guin replied to the scroll.

" But, it will be the coolest magic festival you were ever invited to, EVER!" Diesel shouted excitedly.

" I have a house now, a clan," She stopped and coughed while saying, " or mentals," then she continued. "… and I'm a little busy." Guin said.

" Let's go, PLEASE!" Vivian shouted in her ear.

" Well, then someone needs to wash off the crazy faces on everyone. Or we'll need to look like mummies with two eyes." Guin said.

" I'm fine with how I am." Mulat said while smirking at Marche.

" STOP THAT!" Marche yelled.

" Stop arguing you're tearing us apart!" Eldena yelled.

Everyone, including Vivian, looked at her funny.

" Emphasis on the 'mentals' part. Who's going to make sure that they don't kill each other?" Guin asked.

" Clan Ritz was supposed to do that." Wells reminded her.

" Right then! Tally ho!" Diesel yelled.

Guin hopped on the back of the chocobo, and then Diesel got on too. They turned around and sped toward the festival that was sure to make them go crazy. Ritz and Shara handcuffed Mulat and Marche together, in an attempt to see them go crazy. Clan Borzoi left to go watch the disaster waiting to happen at the festival. Shara also handcuffed Seneka, Vivian, and Eldena, but not together. They walked halfway to the pub in Cadoan, when Clan Marble ran into them. Seneka was ready to fight them when they realized that they were on the festival grounds. A meteor fell on Mulat, knocking him down. Marche rolled on the floor and started laughing, until Mulat poked him. He laughed even harder, and then Seneka dragged him along. Vivian stepped on Mulat's only finger that was sticking out from underneath the meteor. Wells started walking a little faster. Eldena looked behind them to notice that they were on the track for the rockbeast racing. They started running, only for Marche to realize that he was still handcuffed. Vivian ran back over and stabbed her katana in one of the chain's holes. She jumped on the meteor, and watched the carnage. Mulat just barely got out from under the meteor, when the rockbeast trampled him. He got up again and a large rock beast jumped on him.

" Who… needs… insurance… now, eh?" He managed out.

Shara and Ritz ran back after the stampede, and un-cuffed Marche and Mulat. Vivian, Eldena, Wells, and Seneka ran over too. Ritz cuffed Marche to Eldena, Mulat to Vivian, and Seneka to Wells. Shara giggled at the pairs that she and Ritz devised to make total chaos.

Guin, Diesel, and Augusto were still signing the release forms. With one more signature to go, a summoner unleashed Ifrit on the table. In a fiery blaze, hours of paperwork went up in smoke. A tribe of rogue moogles at Muscadet mistook the smoke signals for the symbol of 'ENGAGE' and went on their way to destroy the festival. Guin still made it in to the show, and she changed back stage into an illusionist uniform.

" Don't look, Augusto." Diesel said to Augusto.

" I'm not." Augusto said, holding up binoculars.

" Riiight." Diesel replied.

Guin came out and unleashed Deluge on the audience. Glowing with satisfaction she ran around and created more madness.

" I never knew how stress relieving this would be- DIE EVIL PAPER SIGNING NU MOUS!" Guin said.

Guin walked over to the table and she casted Freezeblink on the paper nu mous at the table.

" NOOO! Now we will never get this all done." They yelled.

Vivian dragged Mulat over to the Petting Farm. She pointed to the food machine, then to the abnormally large Icedrake in the pen.

" PLEASE CAN I FEED THE D," She paused looking for the word, " the D, theeee…" Vivian pondered.

" I can't tell what you're talking about." Mulat looked at her strangely.

The fleeing audience came over and trampled over Mulat, and some of his gil fell out of his pocket. Vivian gathered it together. After the audience left, Mulat looked more like a pancake.

" Is… today… national…squish Mulat… day?" He asked.

"… the d… the dr… the dra… the drag… the drago… the dragon! CAN I FEED THE DRAGON?" Vivian yelled in his ear.

" When will this day end?"

Eldena kept on threatening to chop off Marche's hair if he didn't give her a piggyback ride, so naturally he gave in. She kept kicking him with the spikes on the bottom of her heels though.

" Stop- Ow- Now- Ow!" Marche yelled.

" Stop-ow now-ow? That isn't a proper sentence." Eldena replied.

" Since when were you the queen of grammar?"

" Since, AAH! Twist-a-lou object!"

" Huh?" He looked up.

A giant green tornado appeared above their heads. It picked up the pair, and threw them to a pole at which their chain got stuck on.

" I have to stay here, with you?" Marche yelled.

" Let's play tag!"

The tribe reached the pole and lit the bottom on fire. They yelled 'ug' constantly.

" Ug, Uga Uga Bloop." One moogle yelled.

" Sure…" Marche said in a confused manner.

" Squirt pickle blop! Do you think that they understood?" Eldena asked Marche.

" Not unless they have a larger vocabulary than us. And that probably ain't true." Marche said.

" 'Ain't' isn't a word."

" I, don't, CARE!" Marche yelled.

" Look here! Ivalice pole is falling down, falling down, falling down, Ivalice-"

" WHAT!"

The pole fell down sideways. The moogles picked it up, and stood it back in the ground. Fortunately, Eldena and Marche escaped.

After much walking, Seneka and Wells had finally reached the first in a series of stages set for the mages. (Rhymes, tee hee!) They both sat down in a seat together. Diesel and Augusto came on stage. Augusto set the stage on fire, while Diesel kept trying to put it out. Wells threw a sword at a curtain on stage, which ripped and fell apart. A wooden beam attached to the curtain fell on the fire, which the fire ran up the beam to the top of the set. Within minutes, the whole stage was burnt to ashes.

" I told you we needed to sign those release forms…" Diesel said.

" Oh, just shut up." Augusto replied.

" Get- get- get- get- away from us!" Seneka yelled.

A cinder landed on Wells, " GIVE ME MY GIL BACK!"

" Please not freaky- freaky- freaky- freaky berserker mode…" Seneka muttered.

Wells picked up Seneka and used him as a sword to try and attack Diesel and Augusto.

" RAAH!" Wells yelled.

He chased Diesel and Augusto around, until they met up with the rogue moogles. Seneka's moogle ball was on fire, so it was making smoke signals again. The tribe interpreted it as ' Give me a sword' so they dropped their swords and gave them to Wells. He calmed down and picked one up. He used it to destroy the chain, and they got free. Seneka tapped Diesel on the shoulder. The tribe ran off.

" Tag, you're it!" Seneka said.

" What in the world are you talking about!" Diesel yelled.

" Stop the shouting!" Wells yelled.

" You're it, Diesel." Seneka said as he ran off to the other sets.

Vivian had the food for the dragon in hand; Mulat was using the fence as a crutch. The dragon walked over and looked at Mulat. Vivian put a little bit of food on his arm, and the dragon went to it. He opened his mouth and sucked it in. He blew out a large column of ice at Mulat.

" What a day to wear_ fire_ armor." Mulat said while collapsing to the ground.

Vivian fell over with him too. The dragon picked her up, with Mulat dangling over the ground. He threw them at one of the sets nearby.

" Thank you mister d…" Vivian started.

" Dragon." Mulat said.

They hit the curtains, which knocked over the set on top of them. A rockbeast trampled over the broken set, followed by the fleeing audience from Guin's, err, "accident". Vivian got up and rubbed her head, followed by an unconscious Mulat being pulled up from his wrist.

" Good morning, world." Vivian said.

Eldena was yet again kicking Marche on his sides. They were on their way to see the water show at the fifth stage. They sat down, and waited for quite a while. Some time later, Augusto appeared on stage with his chill rod. He froze the beams that held up the curtain. He started doing the water antics, until he accidently hit the beam of ice. The water splashed all over the stage, so he thought that to fix it he should create a thunderstorm. He got the thunder rod out and created a thunderbolt to hit the water. At that exact moment with Guin…

" Everyone knows that when you combine water and thunder, you can make an explosion." Guin said to Seneka.

" Oooh…" Seneka replied in awe.

: Back with Augusto:

He lowered the wand to the ground.

" For the finale, FIREWORKS!" He shouted.

A large explosion from behind him propelled him forward to the petting farm. Marche pulled Eldena under the seat just in time for them not to get burned. Marche's hair was on fire on the tips.

" I didn't get to see the finale!" Eldena said.

" Did you _feel_ like getting burned?"

Eldena licked her finger and put it on the fire on Marche's hair, " The cookie was burned."

" Sure it was."

The whole festival caught on fire, so they all made their way to the house. Clan Ritz took the handcuffs, giggled, and left. Everyone including, Diesel and Augusto, sat down. Mulat was taken to the living room to lie down. Marche had to wash the ashes out of his hair, so he went upstairs. Everyone else was thinking what they should do a botut the fairly large food problem. Guin went to the living room to bandage up Mulat. She came back with a look of disgust on her face, until she heard the wall behind Mulat fall on him. She went back again to fix him. Marche fell down from the cliff that connected the two floors together. Guin came back in and went to the burnt kitchen. She came back with some coffee.

" So, what are you guys' solution for our problem?" Marche asked.

" We should go get some monster, I liked the lamia best, and can I also do _all _the fighting?" Wells asked.

" Sure. Any others?"

Everyone took up their cups to their lips and sipped, with the exception of Seneka, Vivian, and Eldena. Mulat limped in and collapsed on the table. His coffee flung up on his hair.

" Well, anyone?" Marche asked again.

" I know, wait one moment," Diesel sipped again, " We could goand buy some food from the pub."

" We can go to a fancy restaura… restaurant!" Vivian yelled.

Guin, Marche, Wells, Diesel, and Augusto simultaneouslyspit out their coffee.

" Well?" Vivian waited for the response.

Mulat woke up, slightly dazed.

" Yes, but only if Marche can drink his pineapples." He replied.

" No one drinks pineapples, Mulat." Augusto said.

" Yes!" Vivian said in victory.

" We're soooooooooooooo dooooooooooooomed." Seneka said.

" 'O' again." Marche said putting his face in his hands.

* * *

Ibble Ibble: Thank you foxx-shadow and Miko-bunny for helping on the last chapter! 

Eldena-twitch- CAFFEINE-twitch-


	6. Le Ivalice Chateau

Ibble Ibble: Hello!

Guin: Do I have to be in this story? You forgot something.

Ibble Ibble: Box only card I own board a.

Guin: Don't you speak English?

**A La Restaurant**

Everyone was still staring at Vivian and Mulat, but they were mostly staring at Vivian. Diesel got up and looked at their television. Marche got the point, so he turned it on. The news was the only thing on now. The reporter was a Human Paladin girl. She was at what looked like a giant bonfire. Guin blushed, realizing what it was. The reporter started talking:

" This is the IBC and I am Bela here at this year's magic festival. Things went awry this year starting with this giant meteor," She points to the boulder in the ground, " I have information on all the incidents. A meteor hit one of the guests, and they had just gotten up when the rockbeast racers went wild. They trampled the poor man until he ran away. The release form table was burned once, and the people are now being picked out of the ice from when they were frozen. A large percent of the stages burned down, along with the mental monsters petting farm. One of the other stages suffered from two different stampedes and a collapse due to the backboard falling down. Two bodies were imprinted in the back." She points at the imprint, and then she points at the screen, " We know where you LIVE!"

Marche turned the T.V. off, " O.K. That was extremely strange."

" Those pe- pe- pe- people do-o- o- o- o- o- o- o- o us no justice." Seneka said.

" Hey! I got my marker off." Vivian yelled from upstairs.

" That clears one thing up." Guin said.

They went into the bathroom and looked at Vivian, and sure enough, the marker was off. Vivian pointed to the toilet. Guin looked at her oddly.

" The water, it cleans." Vivian said.

Mulat winced; or rather, he fell over. Nonetheless, everyone dumped his or her face in the water. Eldena started laughing at the way their marker was coming off. Marche was horrified at the fact that it looked like he was crying with mascara on. He dipped down again, and again, and again. He went to the other bathroom and threw-up. Wells looked through the paper for a restaurant to go to. He found _Le Ivalice Chateau _and remembered something from his childhood, a good memory.

**Flash back-**

Wells' mom was taking him to the restaurant.

" Mommy, can I have s- s- s- some fried Malboro?" He asked.

" Eat with the fork, okay?" His mom replied.

The waiter came over.

" May I take your order?" The waiter asked.

" We would like s- s- s- s- some fried Malboro…" His mom began.

" Just ran out, sorry ma'm." The waiter replied.

His mom grabbed the waiter's collar, " Give us-s-s the Malboro, NOW!" She threw the waiter backwards.

" Ow…" The waiter said.

One minute later, they were thrown out.

" Let's- s- s- s do it again, Mommy." Wells said joyfully.

**End Flash back-**

Wells sighed; those were good times. He called for a reservation, but he would have to sit next to another clan. Marche raced down stairs, and tripped over his feet. He fell face flat on the floor. Everyone got together at the table.

" We're going to my favorite res-s-s-s-staurant, _Le Ivalice Chateau_." Wells stated.

" Let's go now!" Eldena yells.

Everyone went outside and walked to Sprohm (their base is in Cyril.) They reached the entrance and they walked in. Their table had another table attached to it. Bellini, Wells' older brother; Catrine, Vivian's little sister; Sam-mag, a leader of the clan, and Satir, Seneka's big half-brother were sitting at the other table. Everyone sat down. Vivian started poking Catrine. She accidentally hit the chair; then Catrine fell over. Eldena and Vivian giggled. Sam-mag used his author powers to leave, but he forgot his clan behind. Vivian picked up Catrine and dragged her to the exit.

" Help me." Catrine whispered desperately.

Eldena ran over to Catrine and yanked on her legs. Vivian let go at that exact moment, so Catrine went flying backwards at another table. The waiter was walking over to that same table, so the food flew at two other tables. The flying food hit Wells, so he threw some back at his table. Seneka was hit, so he started yelling:

" Food- food- food- food- FIGHT!" Seneka screamed.

A panther leg flew at Satir, who then stuffed it in his gun and shot it at Marche. Marche stuck a piece of malboro on his katana and threw it at Mulat. Mulat fixed the katana in his bow and shot it back at Marche. Bellini went to the next full table over, picked it up with the food still on it, and threw it at the two clans. Guin got up, smoke coming out of her ears. She lifted her staff up and called several meteors down on the restaurant. Fire started coming from her mouth. Vivian and Eldena started toasting marshmallows in front of her. Catrine looked on in disappointment, from her spot hiding on the chandelier. On the ground, Marche was wrestling Mulat in panther with gravy.

" GIRL!" Mulat yelled.

" LIP-STICK MAN!" Marche yelled back.

Satir shot at the chandelier causing Catrine to start plummeting towards the ground. She landed on Wells, who got very, very mad.

" GET OFF OF ME!" Wells yelled.

" Keep your pants on, sheesh." Catrine said.

Wells threw Catrine at Guin and he started rampaging over to the table. He threw a full table of food at the door.

* * *

Seneka was arguing with the chef about the menu. 

" Chef, all your fo- fo food- food is meat based, and I- I- I- I am vegetarian." Seneka said.

The chef looked at him with distaste before throwing a pot at him.

" You cook then! I hate it when people do this to me! I just want a decent job for once!" The chef grumbled.

The chef ran out of the kitchen and into the street. Seneka looked outside the kitchen.

" This- this- this- definitely counts as another one of Vi-Vi- Vivian's- Vivian's bad ideas." Seneka stated. He looked at the kitchen, " I better start…"

* * *

Guin counted down quietly until meteor time. She left the restaurant with Catrine and they watched the meteors slowly. The others would never know what hit them. 

Pallanza threw a plate at Wells, and Wells threw a plate at Pallanza. They kept throwing things at each other until they heard the meteor. The meteor crashed through the ceiling and the building collapsed, except for the kitchen…

* * *

" Order up!" Seneka called. 

No one answered. Seneka took the food out and put it on the rubble. At that moment, the situation hit him:

" I left the oven on."

He ran back inside and turned it off.

* * *

Vivian climbed out of the rubble and on top of a larger pile of rubble. She raised one hand up triumphantly. 

" I have succeeded in," She paused for a moment, " Eating chocolate pudding! Muahahahaha!"

Wells popped out from underneath her. She stood on his head.

" GET OFF MY HEAD OR I WILL POUND YOUR FACE IN!" He yelled.

Guin came over. She pointed a finger at them.

" This is all your fault for being bad in the restaurant. I think that Sam's clan won't be able to come over and play anymore." Guin said in a serious tone.

Vivian shrugged.

" Aw…" She whined.

Wells pushed her off.

" Well good riddance because-s-s-s-s-se I can feel my head now." Wells said gruffly.

Catrinewalked over and pointed at Vivian.

" I am so ashamed to be your little sister!" Catrine yelled.

Vivian slid down and hugged Catrine. Catrine looked confused.

" There, there, little sis, we can go out on a big huge picnic!" Vivian said.

" Why does this sound like another bad plan?" Catrine asked herself.

Wells cooled down. Mulat and Marche came diving out of the rubble and they were still fighting it out. Wells laughed.

" LIP Stick man…" Marche panted out.

" Girl…" Mulat mumbled.

" Li- sti man…"

" Gir…"

" Li- man."

" G…"

" Luh…"

" Guh…"

Wells cocked his head in confusion.

" I don't even know what they're saying." He said.

" I lost it after 'Li-sti man'." Guin replied.

Diesel and Augusto rose from the rubble. They pointed they're staffs at Guin.

" I feel so hurt! My leg is broken! Feel the wrath of…" Diesel began.

" US!" Augusto and Diesel yelled in unison.

A giant ball of water fell on Guin. Her bad side came on. Smoke emitted from her ears.

" I will kill you!" Guin yelled.

" Now you know how I feel when you attack me for no apparent reason." Wells murmured.

Guin chased Diesel and Augusto away from the crash. Vivian dragged Catrine down to the regular ground. Seneka came out with some pie and seeing the chaos, threw it at Augustus. Everyone stopped moving.

" Let's just go- go- go- go- go- home! Let-t- t- t- t- t- Sam-mag's clan go back to their fic!" Seneka yelled.

At that moment a UFO came and sucked up Pallanza, Bellini, Diesel, Augusto, Catrine, and Satir up in the sky. Vivian waved good- bye. Everyone else just stared.

" I think that I need to go to therapy…" Wells said.

" I can help!" Vivian said.

Guin rolled her eyes, " This is gonna be the worst therapy session ever…"

* * *

Ibble Ibble: I had many projects to do for school, about four long terms, so don't burn me for being late! 


	7. Therapy

Ibble Ibble: Give me one good reason why I would own FFTA, because I DON'T!

**Therapy and Manners**

At the house, Vivian was running around in circles looking for glasses. Wells was tied to a chair that Marche and Mulat had made from broken staircase parts. Mulat had gone out to steal a white coat. Guin was sipping tea with Seneka, and trying to teach him manners.

"Put your pinky out, it's proper etiquette." Guin murmured loudly.

Seneka struggled as he dropped his cup. Guin got another one and gave it to him. She poured some more tea.

* * *

Mulat had finally come back with a coat and glasses too. He handed them to Vivian. Marche tipped the chair over so that it would look like Wells was lying down. Vivian picked up a clip board with a paper on it. Vivian began… 

"What was your like?" Vivian said.

"I have no idea what that means-s-s-s, but GET ME OFF THIS-S-S THING RIGHT NOW!" Wells yelled as a leg fell off.

"Patience is the door knob, so let's continue. I heard you had a rough carpet." Vivian said as she started to draw a flower on her paper.

"I think that word is-s-s-s the key, and no I didn't have a rough _carpet_, I had a rough childhood! What kind of therapis-s-s-s-st are you?"

"An un-therapist!"

" WHAT?" Wells yelled as another leg broke.

"Tell me what you think about lips…" Vivian held up a picture.

* * *

Guin got another cup and poured more tea. As she did that, she went into the kitchen to make some more tea. Seneka had even more trouble with his pinky. Guin came back and decided to do another lesson. She set down a plate. 

"No more elbows on the table…" Guin said as she grabbed her staff.

"Uh-oh…" Seneka watched as the table was set on fire.

"The table is for forks… not people."

Seneka struggled with his _wooden_ fork to get at the plate Guin had set there. The fork caught on fire and burned him. Guin came back with another fork, this one was metal. He poked at the plate and dropped his fork. The table fire was put out by Guin. Seneka started again with his fork.

* * *

Vivian was holding up a picture of a symmetrical blob. Wells strained to look up. 

"I believe the word is-s-s-s this, and it looks-s-s-s-s like your face after I smashed it."

"What about sis?" She held up a picture of a cross.

"That looks-s-s-s like s-s-something in a church, a cross-s-s-s-s." Wells calmed down.

"Wow, that cooled him off…" Marche said from a corner.

"I HATE THEM! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I AM A MONK!" Wells yelled.

"What this?" Vivian held up a picture of a lizard.

"Do you know how offens-s-s-s-s-sive that is-s? That is-s uh… I don't know what that word is-s… it's on the tip of my tongue!" Wells said.

* * *

Guin and Seneka had progressed to chewing. Seneka was still unsuccessfully trying to put out his finger and chew with his mouth closed. 

"Now Seneka, please get your elbows off the table, OR feel the stingy pain of fire." Guin ordered.

"I am- am- am- trying!" Seneka replied.

"Do not talk with your mouth full."

Seneka managed to finally get his pinky out, but he had put both of his elbows on the table. Guin's veins popped. She burned Seneka's elbows and gave him more food to eat.

* * *

"Uh… what is-s-s-s-s-s that word?" Wells yelled. 

"Discriminating!" Marche murmured rather loudly.

"Yes-s-s-s, dis-s-s-scriminating!" Wells yelled at Vivian.

"I see. I have made a conclusion," Vivian held up her picture of flower, "I have concluded that you are suffering from bright-colors-emia."

"Bright-colors-emia? What does-s-s-s that have to do with anything?" Wells said.

"It means that you are afraid of round objects."

"It has-s-s-s nothing to do with color?"

"Nope! Case closed, detective." Vivian left.

Wells wiggled on the floor. Marche guffawed and left. He broke into laughter when he reached the kitchen. Seneka had to clean up some food that he had dropped, in a pink apron with frills. Seneka was using a broom and dust pan. Guin was watching from the table.

"Use more elbow! You dropped it, you clean it." Guin yelled.

Seneka mumbled incoherently.

"If you want to show your relatives how good you are, then work harder!" Guin said.

Marche's laughter stopped, "What did you say?"

"All thirteen of- of- of- my relatives in the immediate family are- are- are- coming. Although, they- they- they- are all obsessed with- with- with- with- the Ivalice Olympics. I host this- this- this- time." Seneka said while stopping his cleaning.

Mulat and Vivian came in. Mulat guffawed at Seneka's 'outer-wear'. Wells finally came in with a piece of chair/ staircase stuck to his back. He also chuckled at Seneka.

"What? Haven't you- you- you- ever seen a moogle in- in- in- in- pink?" Seneka asked rhetorically.

"Yeah, give the little girl- err- I mean guy a chance." Vivian said.

"About the visit-" Marche began.

The door gave a loud thump. Another followed soon after. Chatter was heard from outside.

"My family is- is- is-also terrified of doorbells, so-so-so-so they usually knock d-d-d-d-d-down doors instead." Seneka said.

"You mean they actually knock the door _down_?" Guin asked.

"Yeah, and-"

The door started to creak.

"-we Re- Really- REALLY need to hurry. Someone needs to- to- to- to- to- get a replacement staircase, living room- room- room- wall, and- and- and- kitchen."

The door finally gave and thirteen moogles rushed in. The room was filled with chatter.

"That's not going to be good…" Mulat stated.

* * *

Ibble Ibble: and stop! Sorry it took so long. 


End file.
